"She knew this transition was not about becoming someone better but about finally allowing herself to become who she'd always been." - Anonymous
For me to talk about the implementation of this new idea of Workin' Girl, I have to start with the idea of preparation and in doing so, we have to take a step back.
How did we get here? A few months ago, I had a dream that I started a blog focused on three things: self-love, career and walking with Christ. This dream was so detailed, down to the colors, topics of content and even the reactions of those who would engage with it the most. Some would say it was just my mind drifting into what could happen but I believed it was a sign of what was going to happen. As scary and equally as exciting, I just kept telling myself "I don't write", at least in a way for it to be consumed by others.
We live in a critical world, and often, I cancel myself out before I even try. So, against my normal ways, I looked into it. I started journaling and researching how to do this blog thing. "Make a website", "create an Instagram", "buy this software", "attend that webinar" and before I knew it, I had five front to back pages worth of to do's before the next morning based off of what someone else thought. This process continued on as I believed the Lord gave and I will do. Re-read that last part.
And there you have it, I did every single thing on that list. Made a website, created an Instagram, bought some software and attended those webinars and BOOM, I was out there. Workin' Girl was up and we were ready to make our debut. So we thought.
I began posting some photos, talking to people at school about what I was creating and things were going steady. One day someone asked me a question that I knew was eventually going to come up. "Hey Jess, when are we going to get a blog post?". At the time I thought it was a ridiculous question. "Pshh... when am I gonna write a blog post for my blog". At this point in time, I thought I was doing everything necessary to "gain an audience". One time I responded to the question with "HUH?...my social media posts aren't enough?." What I thought was me carrying out what I received in a dream, was actually me playing with the promise - it didn't click then.
Fast forward to May 20th, 2019. The day after what was supposed to be a time to remember. Disconnected, uninterested and on the frontline of an internal battle, it was 1 month since I posted anything related to Workin' Girl and of course still, no written blog.
How did we get here? Between that day and just recently, I probably went through and is still going through one of my most difficult seasons. Struggling with everything I'm supposed to be writing and inspiring other people to grow in. Self Love, Career and Walking with Christ. But isn't that it?
Today marks four months at my new job, and within that time I've learned 3 things: I don't know who or what I want to be. I want purpose over position and that I hate the subway. I probably won't ever grow out of that last one. Am I happy? I tell the people who ask "yeah" even though some days I get a whisper in my ear saying I won't ever succumb to anything. Or the days when he tells me I should I hate myself. Yup, it's a he. And I know exactly who he is. He'll get his own post at a later time.
This is honesty. I don't want it to seem like I have this thing together because, in reality, I'm still figuring shit out. This isn't going to be an outlet for me to be a light for others, without it being me, finding mine alongside you. Life sucks. And why can't we struggle through it together?
Here's where it clicks. I was given a sign and prematurely acted without the preparation. My season, as in the one I am currently in, that is and will be my preparation to do this in the way I saw in my dream. This is Workin' Girl, my wholehearted truth, the ups and downs in an effort to help women as well as myself do better and be better in things that matter: yourself, who or what you want to be and walking with Christ.
Sorry for the wait. But it'll be worth it. Catch us every other Friday at 8 pm EST.
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