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Am I okay?

Picture this-you're hitting goals left and right, your following almost triples in less than 3 months, people are telling you that your platform is doing a work in them and each day you see a glimpse of a big stage with you on it. Sounds awesome right? Now take that and add on this. Four times out the week you’re crying yourself to sleep, you take a look in the mirror to point out everything that’s wrong with you, you detach from your friends because it feels better to be alone than to engage with others. Doesn’t sound too awesome, right? I'd be lying to you if I didn’t see this stay at home mandate as a blessing in disguise. It’s the same 24 hours that I was given 6 months ago but now it feels like it's spent differently. Different in a good way. In a way that puts me in the front. All of me. To the point where that's all, I think about. Me. Who I am, who I am not. What I want vs what I need and now when I wake up in the morning the goal of the day is to overcome me. Overcome me? What does that even mean? Have you ever heard of the saying, you are your biggest critic? Or you are your biggest enemy? The last 4 months have been a battle of the Jessika’s. I mean it has been going down, like Ali vs Frazier type and I come to you today with the question Am I okay? Of course when someone asks I say “yeah, I'm all good”. I feel like I respond that way because I know the person doesn't really want to know what I’ve been going through. Trust me you don't, because I'm the one going through it and I don't even want to know. I remember when I was little my favorite question was “why?”. It still is but it started when I was little. “Okay boys and girls what color is the sky”. “Blue”, says the class. “Excuse me, why is the sky blue”, “and why do we call it the sky,” says little Jessika. I never really was satisfied with the answers I got but recently I asked myself the very same thing. Why are you feeling like this? I was listening to the Woman Evolve Podcast with Sarah Jakes Roberts and I want to share 3 things that stuck out to me. We really don't know everything. Sarah was talking about the fact that technology should be so simple since it is all around us but in actuality, it is quite challenging to navigate. She says “if we ever to became masters we would forget that we really don’t know everything. And so it's just nice to be humbled.” Further along, she says “we have to come to a place where we say to ourselves you know what, that didn't work out the way that I wanted it to but I am coming to a place where I am learning to accept that I am not good at everything and cannot be good at everything all of the time. And that does not decrease my value”. That was a read for me because as I am building Workin Girl, I often find myself getting frustrated and me trying to do things that I just know I am not good at. And it begins to mess with my mind and I would hear things like well since you can't do it, then you should just walk away. But her saying this reminded me that just because I am not good at this right now, it does not decrease the value of what I am trying to create. Yeah, I won't have the best aesthetically pleasing IG feed but believe this content will be good. It’s a balance. The vision only needs to make sense to you. I'm not sure if yall know but Crocs and KFC did a collab, and Sarah was speaking about how she believed there was noooooooo way this was going to do well. Long and behold the crocs sold out in 30 minutes. Sarah said “when you have a vision and it doesn't make any sense to anybody but you, it doesn’t matter. Because there is somebody connected to that vision, that maybe the people around you wouldn’t even understand”. A large part of this Am I okay origination has come from me not feeling like people get what Workin Girl is. I mean some do but I still get questions about what exactly am I trying to accomplish. Not only that but when the people who are around you don't even support you, you are left feeling like you’re the crazy one. Listen to me, you are not crazy. If God put it in your heart, you are now assigned to carry that into fruition. Despite the naysayers. Workin Girl is bigger than me and what I may see as her limitations. I didn't believe that until recently. It only needs to make sense to me and through God, this will be elevated. Capacity is stretched when you need it

Along with having a full-time job, I stay up for hours trying to figure out this whole I'm a blogger wanting to help women be better women through their career, christ and self-love. Throughout my day to day, I am beyond stretched at times. Stretched by my terms but not through Gods. Sarah closed the podcast talking about how her daughter had to go to urgent care because she hurt herself and Sarah was saying that day was already five much. She was tired and had her own plans on how she was going to end her night. However, the Lord had something else to say. “When I had that “had to” pressure on me God increased my capacity, but he didn't give me the capacity at the beginning of the day, he gave me the capacity when I was at my limit”. She later goes on and says “that added capacity doesn't always come in advance, the capacity literally comes when you’re feeling like I don't have what it takes, I feel exhausted, I'm tired, I'm out of creativity, I'm out of energy, I'm at my wit's end and God gives you the capacity when you need it”. And that's where I laid. On the floor, with the word stirring in my heart. The question of Am I okay? came from the doubt that this community will not go far or meet my goals, the aches I feel in my body from being up for 15 hours every night, the lack of creativity I had, and writer's block for what I wanted to say. But God. Two weeks ago I felt like I was at my wit's end and now? I say keep going. Instead of 15 hours, I now go 16 because I have been stretched. I have been restored. I'm honestly feeling better than I ever have and I am okay, nah foreal I am. I am taking things day by day by putting my own timing on the back end. I want to close this by saying if anyone has been asking themselves lately “am I okay” or “what’s wrong with me”, I want to let you know that this is not even where your limits are. That there is a limitless God waiting to send an increase. The REAL question is are you ready?

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