In our last post, I concluded the blog by saying that I went through and is still going through one of my worst seasons. I really meant that. But just as much as I am still pushing through it, I do recognize that I'm not currently in the same place I was when I got back home on May 21st, 2019. As some of you may know I completed a Bachelor of Arts degree in Economics at Spelman College this past May 2019. It was a day that I was on my hands and knees praying too many times to count, thinking I wasn't going to make it across that stage. A semester never passed by where I wasn't in search of money to pay off a balance, begging God to allow me to stay, explaining to him that I wasn't "done" here yet. "Please Lord allow for there to be a blessing waiting for me at the end of this class" and sure enough I would get some type of notification that I was spared another 4 months. Whew, that was a close one, God.
Day 1. The sun was shining into the room. I was in my bed. The one that had stars on the sheets and an unhealthy amount of teddy bears piled on top of each other looking at me over my right shoulder. It was quiet. I didn't hear the sound of grass being lawned over or women’s voices in the distance of conversations coming and going. I was home. In Virginia. With mom and dad who at this point are at work so, I’m alone in my head and physically. Day 5. I have yet to leave the bed. In large part because what else is there to do but even more so I didn’t want to face what was coming around the corner. This was a time to be happy, celebrating and not focusing on what was next but all I could think about, all any of us could think about was what was next. I was sad, mad, anxious and twenty other emotions just to express that I was scared. Scared to possibly have wasted four years to “not make it”. Scared that maybe I’ve been lying to myself about who I was and actually accomplishing the goals I told everyone about. Become a doctor, a lawyer, teaching kids, starting a business in hopes to one day pay it forward. But instead… you didn’t take the MCAT because you weren’t prepared, you barely scored well on the LSAT, you couldn’t get through your teaching certification, that graduate school didn’t accept you and everywhere you turn your business hits another roadblock. So yes, it is the 5th day straight I’m laying in the bed.
Day 21. I picked up a book. “A Higher Calling: Claiming God’s Best For Your Life”. It was amongst the pile of unopened graduation gifts and something was drawing me to it. Maybe because today I never felt so alone than I ever had since being at home. It’s interesting how your parents can talk to you in circles and you still aren’t moved when you get up from the dinner table, just to walk back upstairs and fast forward to the next day. This wasn’t like me and I could tell that if I didn’t begin to take control over it, it was going to be a slippery slope down a hole I wasn’t interested in paying another visit.
This book is the reason why for the next 31 days, I got up at 7 am to plan out what I wanted the next 4 years of my life to be like. Who and what I wanted to become, where I wanted to go and how I would reach others. Now, I use the word plan very loosely because we all know what happened last time I tried to take matters into my own hands and I specifically noted 4 years because just how I sat down in my dorm room four years ago and outlined everything I was going to accomplish at Spelman (and did everything on that list) I felt like I needed to replicate that same process. It took me up to this moment to accept that I wasn't in the minors anymore. This was the MLL. The Major League of Life, where the rules are literally nonexistent. And maybe that's what I was truly scared of. Spelman was an incubator for me. My own world where I could grow and be strengthened. The real world isn't as warm. To be honest it's quite cold, lonely and sometimes dark but if there is one thing that I am reminded by is that what I created and became at Spelman wasn't meant to just stay there. It was a blueprint for a greater scale of accomplishments outside of those gates and into the MLL. The Major League of Life. Remember that preparation we talked about. Its all connected. Whether you went to Spelman, another prestigious institution or just another Workin' Girl trying to figure out your next plan of action, becoming uncomfortable is probably one of the hardest mental, physical and spiritual tests you will have to take. More than once. To get over the hump to become comfortable again is long and it feels like you take one step forward to get push back x3. Trust me, I know. So, now what? How can we get over what is often referred to as "post-graduation depression." You miss seeing your friends close to every day, you're tired of explaining yourself to people when before, your environment just got it and to be honest you think the "real world" is ghetto. I hate it here is an everyday thought at this point. But as someone who went through and is still going through it, I want to share three things. One. You aren't alone, everyone is feeling it, sis. Paying bills and getting up to do something you don't really want to do is a small part of your everyday struggle but the best thing I ever did was talk to my circle. When I was feeling up one day, I shared that joy with my friends. And on days when they were feeling down, we all talked through it. We have to continue to use each other as we did then and now, moving forward. Two. Get out of the bed. It has been 3 days, you are out of control at this point. I found that the days I got out of the bed were the days that were easier to get through. I picked up a few books in addition to A Higher Calling, started going to cross-fit classes just to work out what was going on in my head and at the end of each night I would say to myself "you go girl". It seems small but it is large in impact. Three. Keep going. No matter what. You have to keep walking, keep searching for a job, your interview is on the way, keep applying sis, that law school acceptance is just around the corner, keep praying girl, that idea will make it big one day. One step at a time, making progress and when you look up from watching your feet move, you'll be in front of what you've been waiting for. Who you were already destined to be. To those who know what I'm talking about, I see you. This is for you. And to those who's clock is about to hit zero to face what I'm talking about, I'm praying for you. This is also for you. I don't have this thing together, but if this provides something for someone, I can dig it. Catch us every other Friday at 8 pm EST. Subscribe to our email list! Comment, Like and Submit any topics you would like to be talked about via our contact us page. Follow us on Instagram! @workingirlblog